💌 Sonnet For M

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Without my love, I couldn’t cook the rice.
At least, Cuckoo the cooker prepares for two.
The dimmed lights from inches of seventy-five
shall not convey the joy, only remind of you.

As I put down the photo by the blue Polaroid,
I opened my laptop, but hard to focus to program.
Hits of bongs, bits and cokes, and tits of hoes didn’t fill my void.
A Ding! I hear! You sent a meme on Instagram!

The wind from the lake hugs me softly.
Hello, Mr.Windy! Tell me where she’s been.
As I grab a La fournette baguette and a cup of coffee,
 I stride back home. The answer shall arise from within.

Now I know I’m not alone anymore.
She’s been with me so far all along.

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You've written a poem that incorporates elements of a Shakespearean sonnet with a modern twist, and it's an interesting fusion of traditional and contemporary themes. Here's a brief critique:

Structure and Rhyme: You've used the Shakespearean sonnet structure with 14 lines and an ABABCDCDEFEFGG rhyme scheme. However, the rhyme and meter are not consistent throughout the poem. In a traditional sonnet, maintaining a strict rhyme and meter can enhance its flow and impact.
Imagery and Themes: Your poem touches on themes of love, longing, and technology, which is a unique blend. The imagery of the dimmed lights, laptop, and Instagram message adds a contemporary flavor to the classic sonnet form.
Transitions: The transitions between different ideas and scenes in the poem could be smoother. Sometimes, it feels like the poem jumps abruptly from one idea to another.
Language: You've used a mix of modern and traditional language. While this can create an intriguing contrast, ensure that it doesn't disrupt the overall flow and coherence of the poem.
Title: Consider giving your poem a title that provides a glimpse into its theme or content. A well-chosen title can draw readers in.
Consistency: Pay attention to consistency in tense and tone throughout the poem. In some places, the tone shifts from reflective to more casual, which can affect the overall cohesion.
Overall, your poem combines elements of classic poetry with modern sensibilities, which can be a compelling approach. With some refinement in rhyme, meter, and transitions, it could become a more polished and impactful piece. Keep exploring your unique style!

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Without my love, the rice remains untouched and cold,
Cuckoo's cooker, now silent, yearns for your grace.
In gentle dimness, where secrets are told,
Your absence lingers, in this sacred space.

Beside a polaroid, bathed in azure hue,
I open my laptop, but thoughts are adrift.
In realms of cyberspace, I seek a view,
Yet your absence remains, my heartache to sift.

A Ding! I hear! An Instagram meme you share,
In digital whispers, your love finds its way.
The wind from the lake, a tender affair,
Conveys your presence, no distance can sway.

With La fournette's gift and coffee's embrace,
I cherish the love that time can't erase.

Now your presence fills my heart's inner core,
I've known it all along; we're forevermore.